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Letting Go of Who You Thought You Should Be (By Now)

Credit: P. Rajan/Unsplash

Each and every person, whether they are conscious of it or not, has an ideal version of themselves. Maybe it’s the successful CEO or the NYT best selling author. Perhaps the vision you carry includes a spouse, a few children, and a white picket fence. Whatever the narrative might be, set in our mind (maybe the subconscious), we all carry a vision of who we think we should be. The challenge (and the test to see what that version of yourself looks like) comes when you don’t necessarily look the part.


One way to discover that ideal self is to consider what frustrates you about your current path; are you annoyed by the amount of money you have? If so, it shows that who you believe you are has a certain amount of commas in the bank. Are you agitated about the industry you work in? The ideal self also has a specific role to play in a specific industry. While frustration is never the goal, at times it can show you a bit about who you think you are.


Back to that challenge: what happens when your experience doesn’t look like what you see in your mind?


Embrace Who You Are Now. Too often, so many people are trying to not be who they already are. Think about that. You are searching to be someone else, somewhere else, instead of embracing all of who you are in this moment, right where you. Truth be told, the grass isn’t greener on the other side to the person who isn’t grateful for the grass they already have. That person will always find a flaw; they will find a problem with how high the grass is or try to unnecessarily add more to the beautiful, well manicured landscape they already possess. Seriously, start to embrace who you are (both the inner and outer parts of your existence. Trying to be someone else is a betrayal of who you were created to be.


Be Patient. A lot of times that ideal self is a reality that is still unfolding. Somewhere deep within, you know not only who you are but the life you were created to live. Hold on to that vision but not so tightly that you overlook the becoming of that vision. You will one day be able to look back and see how you got to where you are going. That is a priceless opportunity; to consciously live in the moment of becoming. Be patient. Hold on. Live now.


Let Go. Now, while you might have a vision of the ideal self in the making, there are most likely a few things, a few thoughts, a few relationships, and a few habits that can't come with you. Let’s be honest, there some mindsets that have to be surrendered in order to be that person. In fact, you may even agree that the ideal self doesn’t have those characteristics. Being mindful of the shedding that takes place in the wait is vital. On the other hand, there may be some aspects of the ideal self that are not based on who you are called to be. It may not include one million followers BUT does that change the power of your impact? Absolutely not. Influence is not measured by the amount of followers you have but by how your message impacts others. Let go of the how, the when, and those habits (in thought, speech, action), seen and unseen, that don’t profit who you are now (and who you are becoming).


When letting go of who you thought you were supposed to be recognize that you will get there. The path may not look or feel like what you have imagined or assumed. It may not be in the timeframe you set but if this you is fully you, you will eventually become you (you may have to read that again:)). Remember this: you already are who you will become. You are not becoming someone else, just a future you.

And get this, without this version of you, you wouldn’t be the ideal version of you. Love the you that you are today. The future you will thank you for it.


Based on the article, set aside at least 10 minutes to consider the following:


  • Take a moment to consider the ideal self and write 3 - 5 inner characteristics of that person. Understand, you aren't want you own. Listing these traits would be helpful for becoming that version of you.

  • Now, consider what you already do that serves as a glimpse into what the ideal version of you does. For example, if the ideal version of yourself is a best selling author, have you started the book? The same is true of any other purpose - did you start the business that you see yourself being the "successful CEO" of? In doing this step, celebrate the beginning because without it, you wouldn't have the future version of it.

  • This part is is just as important, think about some of things (thoughts, speech, and behaviors) you currently have that do not support the self you are becoming. If the ideal self is physically healthy, survey the current food and activity choices that don't align. Once complete, consider healthy replacements for those things and watch what happens next.

  • Be sure to journal your experience.





This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.



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