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How You Relate to Yourself

Credit: J. Krzysik/Pexels

Having a relationship with yourself isn’t so much about solo trips, dinners for 1, and movie nights in. To relate to something or someone is to identify and be in alignment with. Many misconstrue spending time with (and money on) themselves equates being their own best friend. When we consider relating to oneself, we have to recognize the alignment we have within our mind, emotions, and physical body. Have you ever felt like your mind was in one place, your emotions in another, and not even being aware of your actual physical self? Relating to yourself is finding oneness from the inside – out.


As you may have read, multitasking is overrated. It’s actually a fallacy to believe that you, one person, can do or even think about multiple things at once. The truth about multitasking is that it keeps you divided between multiple tasks. Tasks can easily translate to roles, responsibilities, and relationships. Your emotions may be invested in the conversation you just had with your partner, your mind may be focused on your children or the ones you care for, and your physical body may be sitting in your office. Balance is a factor too; there are some who are so fully devoted to one area that they neglect the others. With multiple valued people and responsibilities being in alignment with yourself offers the opportunity to being in harmony with others.


Essentially, we are speaking about alignment through being present. To be fully present is to be in harmony within yourself. And the first step in being present is being aware. Awareness is part intentional and part patience. There is a level of effortless awareness that comes with time. There is also a state of awareness that comes with the desire to be aware. Where there is desire there is intentionality.


Here is a snapshot of a few tips on how to be present and ultimately being in good relationship with yourself:


Don’t leave any part of you behind? Acknowledge your body when it says it’s tired. Make space for your mind to slow down when it’s thoughts are racing. Listen to your emotions when they say they have been hurt (or are really excited). Each part of you is valuable and worthy of attention. This doesn’t mean that every thought is founded in truth or that every ache is something major or that the emotion being experienced is appropriate for what actually happened. But what is does mean is that you give permission for every part of you to share its experience.


This supports alignment because it grants the opportunity to correct misunderstanding, spy out deceit, and resolve unprocessed trauma. It’s also a beautiful method to fully experiencing joy. Allow your mind, emotions, and body to express the happiness it partakes in on a regular basis.


Check in and practice awareness. Take a moment to sit still and notice how the mind, emotions, and body are doing. Pay more attention to the state of your mind; is it silent or loud? Is it frantic or calm? Observe the texture of your emotions. Are they fluttering with excitement or rigid and stuck? Take a deep breath and notice the flow of air? Is your jaw clenched? Are your eyebrows furrowed? Or is there a lightness to you?


Checking in brings up intentional awareness and leads to a subconscious awareness. Regularly checking in also leads to alignment within.


Be Patient with every part of you. If you have spent decades divided within yourself, there has to be an acceptance and expectation that it may take some time to be more present. This doesn’t mean it will take decades to get there though. Just be patient with yourself; patience looks like self-compassion and gentleness. The student shouldn’t seek to become an expert overnight. If you see this process as a learning experience and not something to conquer you will ultimately win the battle. Use awareness or observation without judgement as a way of being patient. Just feel and listen to the data being presented without trying to fix (or act on) anything.  




Based on the article, set aside at least 10 minutes and without judgement (meaning without labeling or trying to fix), complete the following:


  • For at least 30 seconds, place your hand on your head and take a few deep breaths. Observe the pace of your thoughts. Make note of the pace of your thoughts in your journal.

  • For at least 30 seconds, place your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths. Observe the “texture” of your emotions. Make note of the texture of your emotions in your journal.

  • For at least 30 seconds, place your hand on your stomach and take a few deep breaths. Observe the flow of your breathing and the lightness or tension throughout your body. Make note of the physical sensations in your journal.

  • Pay attention to any events like crying, relaxation, or clarity that may naturally arise (again without labeling or trying to fix).


Be sure to journal your experience.




This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.



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