Relationship Bandwidth: The Importance of Capacity in Love

Phones and computers are preloaded with a certain amount of RAM and storage. They even come preloaded with a variety of apps that have specific capabilities. Over time, upgrades are necessary for the device to continue running smoothly. When it comes to the internet, bandwidth is a major key in what you can actually accomplish. In simple terms, bandwidth is the amount of information that can be received per second. Higher bandwidth means more information per second.  When it comes to people, bandwidth denotes the (mental, physical, or emotional) capacity required and available to engage in a situation. Capacity is vital in relationships.

No matter the type of relationship—be it plutonic, parental, familial, dating, or marital—capacity plays a huge role in how each connection functions. Children have a level of bandwidth, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles do too. So, do friends and partners. If capacity isn’t understood, one can expect much more or accept much less than what they should without even knowing it.

Consider a newborn, a parent’s expectation should not exceed the baby’s ability to perform or comprehend. An infant isn't equipped to respond on the same level of a toddler, adolescent, teenager, etc.  The same is true in all other relationships. Before setting expectations for another, one should observe and consider that person’s mental, emotional, and physical capacity to actually fulfill that expectation. This is also the case for you, yourself. Expecting to receive or striving to give beyond capacity leads to frustration and unnecessary stress and conflict.

When it comes to emotional availability, mindset, and stamina you are technically only able to meet people where they are. This doesn’t mean that people don’t mature and become more—at that time, expectations may vary. But one truth that seems to be overlooked more often than not in relationships, is meeting people where they. Another is considering how much you require and knowing who to seek it from, and when. When we meet people where they are (including ourselves) bonds became easier, lighter, and more enjoyable.

Life Work

•  Have you considered your personal bandwidth versus the bandwidth or capacity you would like to (or think you are expected to) have?

  
  

• Have you considered the bandwidth of those you re in relationship with? Have you allowed their capacity to frustrate you?

  
  

• After reading this Quick Read, how will you go about setting expectations differently?

  
  

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