If you consider yourself a considerate person, you may not know how your consideration of others influences self-esteem. Esteem, itself, means to respect and admire, so self-esteem is to simply respect yourself. It is to see the value in you, and honor it. Oftentimes, the root cause of negative inner-talk, comparison, and self-degradation is found in the over consideration of others. It’s not that you don’t value yourself, but the behavior of highly esteeming others can get in the way of you living in your fullest potential.
Self-esteem is not looking down on others or puffing yourself up. It is void of pride and arrogance and really looks like having a healthy opinion of who you are. Many fall into the traps of conceit or false humility seeking this balance. And if left unchecked, what one thinks is self-esteem can lead to a toxic self-image. And self - image influences relationships and how we value others.
How someone treats themselves is a big deal. Whether they accept or disapprove of a person has nothing to do with that person; people function out of their core beliefs regardless of the object of focus. For example, a person who purely forgives has a mindset hardwired with forgiveness. Their forgiveness is not based on the one who offended them. They forgive because it’s a character trait of who they are. The same is true about a person who offends; this is why it’s important to understand that another person’s mistreatment has nothing to do with you.
Once you sort out these truths, you are then able to see that the opinions of others should never overshadow your personal valuation. Your identity should come from the core; it shouldn’t be outsourced (especially to those who are still getting to know themselves). No one gets to define you; it’s a luxury too expensive for man. The more you discover the inner-being, the easier it becomes to accept yourself and the stronger your identity becomes. You should get to know who you are so much that it becomes difficult to be anyone else.
Take the next 2-3 days to consider the following questions:
Am I a considerate person?
If so, do I allow my consideration of others to influence how I value myself?
If not, do I allow the valuation of myself to impede upon others'?
Does the opinion of others impact my core beliefs, behavior, and how I show up in the world?
Am I accepting of others' core beliefs and how they show up in the world?
What areas have a I disrespected myself in and what is one way I can begin to honor myself?
Have I devalued others based on my self-valuation? What is one way I can begin to respect others?
This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.