Whether someone loves you or not, it has nothing to do with you. This is a truth worth embracing. Too often we take credit or blame for how someone else feels about us. The way others treat you is a reflection of their inner-being; this is why forgiveness can be found in relationships that most would dissolve. It’s also a reason for why one party can be mistreated even after giving their all. It can be quite a conundrum of sorts for a person trying to figure out where things went wrong (or surprisingly, why everything is going right).
The answer may be found in resolving inner-conflict. We are only capable of giving what we have within; so, if one is experiencing internal struggle it’s rare that they will be able to bring peace to those around them. This too, is a truth worthy of embracing. Each of us exist in a perspective made up of personal experiences and enlightenment; it’s as if we each have a tiny world on the inside of us; and if there is a battle in that world it's bound to spill over into the world of those around us.
Feel it. Running away from how you feel is like disregarding an alarm system. Emotions (also known as energy in motion) are indicators of thoughts (both conscious and subconscious). Feeling your feelings with the goal of self-awareness is a helpful tool in addressing what’s stirring on the inside. Many people run away from how they feel by using distractions, employing suppression, or totally ignoring emotion altogether. In doing so, the opportunity to discover what they are experiencing and why is lost. An important key in feeling is recognizing that there is no need to respond to the emotion. You can feel your feelings without being led by them. Knowing this allows a time gap to equips you with the necessary information used in naming the internal struggle itself.
Name it. As you feel your way through the emotion, you can eventually name it. Naming an emotion has the ability to remove its power, and reveal its source. Clarity supports in healing. Oftentimes, emotions go unresolved because many people don’t know how or what they’re feeling. Good or bad are not technically emotions. They may describe the frequency of the emotion but these adjectives don’t pinpoint the actual feeling. For example, feeling good may consist of joy, excitement, and hope. Feeling bad can be anything from anger to sadness. You can begin to name your emotions by sitting still, closing your eyes, and paying attention to your body. Anger is connected to tightness of the jaw and muscle tension. Sadness may be accompanied by heaviness in the chest. Joy tends to be associated with lightness in the body and airiness in the breath. Excitement (sometimes confused for anxiety) comes with a burst of high (seemingly scattered) energy. Remember to sit with the feeling in order to identify it.
Resolve. Resolving conflict with others isn’t always the easiest thing to do. So, when it comes to resolving conflict within yourself, it’s important to extend the same grace you would to someone else (and grace itself may very well be a new skill that needs strengthening). It’s vital to note (again), that emotions are indicators not dictators. Even those high vibrational, feel-good emotions have the ability to lead one astray. Emotions make really toxic leaders but they do serve a good purpose.
With that being said, to resolve is to find a solution to an issue; in regards to your emotions the solution may look like forgiveness, communication, letting go, or simply being in the moment. Once you feel and then name the emotion, the response usually follows. A major key to choosing responses includes discerning the healthiest action possible. And this begins with setting intention. If the intention is to be right or even to achieve self-vindication, someone usually loses. But if the intention is healing both parties are likely to benefit. Check the intention associated with the response. Last but not least, finding the resolution doesn’t equate fulfilling the resolution. Take your time, but allow yourself to actually respond.
Sit quietly and close your eyes.
If possible, place your hand on your heart and allow your natural rhythm of breathing to flow.
Listen to your body and pay attention to how it feels.
Make a list of emotions that come to mind and/or describe how you physically feel.
Then take a moment to consider the source of those feelings (why you feel how you feel).
Next, consider some healthy resolutions or responses to the why of your feelings.
Be sure to journal your experience.
This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.