The word love is affixed to everything from one’s favorite meal to their spouse and children. There is merchandise worn revealing the affections of one’s heart for the city they live in to the music they listen to. Love is a very powerful four-letter word; some would agree it should be used with consideration but many have to admit it’s overuse on things that really don’t matter very much. Love. What does love look like to you? This is a question I, myself, have recently been tasked to ponder and answer. The truth is that all of us have an idea of what true love is yet we hold a deep seated belief about it based on our life experience and not on the whispers of the heart.
This Quick Read is not about defining love; it is written to challenge you to discover how you see love and what you think about it. What is your expectation of love? What experiences is that idea and expectation of love rooted in? Is it healthy, respectful, patient, gentle, and kind? Is it simply word usage without any follow through or action? What you think about love sets the tone and the standard for how you receive and experience it. For example, if you hear I love you for the majority of your life without the ones saying it actually expressing that sentiment in the form of protecting you or keeping their word, you will inevitably accept relationships with people saying they love you without any corresponding action. You will navigate relationships settling for the words and not expecting the deeds that come along with the phrase. This is how many people find themselves in fluffy relationships, filled with empty promises. Is your definition of love simply hearing someone say I love you?
Or do you believe love hurts? If your belief about love is painted with hardship and trials you will subconsciously gravitate towards chaotic friendships and troubled partnerships. Again, the definition you hold about love will guide your engagements and influence your decision making when it comes to building community or choosing a companion. A quick revelation of what you believe love looks like is recapping friendships and your romantic relationships. Oftentimes, many find themselves in the same covenants just with different people. When you become clear on love, you gain clarity in romance and associating with others in general.
Your definition of love is also revealed in how you love yourself. How do you treat yourself? How do you show up and advocate for you? Do you drink enough water and get good sleep? Do you walk in integrity and have a healthy sense of self-worth? If there was a level of neglect by others, people become their own oppressor in treating themselves how others may have treated them. The beauty is that discovering love is a journey anyone can take no matter their past. Starting today, like right now, is the best time to begin. Consider this as your invitation to really search for what true love is. First starting within you.
LifeWork
Set aside at least 10 minutes to consider the following:
How do you identity love in your relationships?
How do you express love? Do you express love to others in the same way you express love towards yourself.
What are your expectations of someone who says they love you? What do you actually accept?
Is there a fear associated with loving others and being loved by others?
How have you loved yourself today/this week?
Be sure to journal your experience.
This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.