Serial Monogamous

June 8, 2019

 

This begins with my confession of being a recovering serial monogamous. For years, I felt the need to be in a romantic relationship; experiencing puppy love, a college sweetheart, marriage and divorce. From a very young age I desired a family; annual international trips, monthly meetings, and daily talks at the dinner table. More than a desire, there is a belief of being made for this type of relational foundation. Like it's woven into the fabric of my DNA. 

 

After facing challenges, fractured emotions, and filling buckets with tears, I picked up a few tools along the way. As we all know, timing is everything. So, in my time of waiting and holding on (with a vise grip) to this promise of happily ever after, I’ve adopted some coping mechanisms and wanted to share them with you. Here are 7 strategies to employ in your singlehood:

 

First comes awareness.

Start to question and discover why you want a relationship. Often times, we seek to have a partner to receive love and affection with hopes of filling the voids within. No one else is going to complete you or make you happy. Trust me I know.

 

Allow yourself to heal.  

If you fell playing basketball and damaged your ankle, any physical therapist would tell you to rest and heal. The same is true in relationships when it comes to damaged emotions and mental scars. You will never have a healthy relationship with un-forgiveness brewing in your heart and a fractured view of dating. Healing is a combination of acknowledgement, acceptance and forgiveness. It is composed of acknowledging the hurt, accepting that the hurt happened and allowing yourself to move forward through forgiving. Get some rest. Take some time to process and eliminate the thoughts and perspectives that don’t serve you (or your future family).

 

Focus on your craft.

Purpose is everything. Along with what you co-create in the Earth, your Life Package, comes packed with other goodies like a boo or bae. So, stay focused on what’s in front of you now. Get your life’s work done. I always say Beyoncé would have never met Jay if she was looking for him.

 

Become a whole individual.

Quite often we go into relationships being half of ourselves. Again, seeking wholeness in another person. The ideal marriage is composed of two whole beings becoming one. Deal with the childhood trauma and the crisis of identity. Most of the issues adults face are simply undealt with emotions from the past. Become whole and yes, dare I say...full of yourself. Selah.

 

Boss up with your finances.

Understand your money mentality. Finances is one of the top challenges relationships endure. Having money is different from your money mentality. You don’t have to be a millionaire to enter into a relationship, however you must have a healthy money mentality.

 

Get tuned in.

Spirituality is everything life and love. I cannot stress this enough. Being spiritual plugged in has literally saved and changed my life. And YES this applies to relationships. Dating without Spirit is like getting into a car with a stranger and no license. You must get spiritually plugged in.

 

Work out.

You should have your version of that perfect beach body all year long. In your solitude work out and get healthy. First for yourself and then for your relationship. If you are unhappy with your physique getting into a relationship is only going to further traumatize you. Even if your partner adores you, this blessing won’t be accepted because you are not happy with you. Hit the local gym, do some routines, at home, start eating healthy and get fit. You deserve it.

 

 

 

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